attraction

I wish I could remember the name of these pills that were advertized at the last "First Friday". They were taste adventure pills. You could take them and it would be the same as eating an ice cream sunday, chewing on some steak or drinking lemonade. But without the calories, hassle, expense, time-investment, exercise of jaw muscles.

Romantic attraction is like that. It feels like the experience of love, but without the time investment, sacrifice, forced reflection, compromise. Someone suddenly shows up with a particular scent, silouette, mannerisms that reminds me of my "Secret Garden." The one where everything I want and everything I need will always stay a million miles away. (thanks Bruce) I attribute to this new blank screen all the parts of me I cant quite live into yet. This person becomes the rescuer of all that I have lost, and the doctor fixing all my broken parts. The projection is possible to maintain as long as this person stays aloof enough, doesn't say too much. Its takes hold easier if this person doesnt' have too many bad tattoos.

I need blank screens to play my fantasies. Because attraction tastes so good I keep on swallowing the illusion. But I am not getting any sustinence. I am not living in reality.

I want to learn to love a real person. One whos needs intersect mine sometimes and we sit soiled in same brokenness together. I would like real ice cream sunday too.