Answer to a prayer I forgot about

I met Al Wainwright on a trip to Israel with the Jewish Midshipman Club during my Junior year at the Naval Academy. I was immediately interested in him. He exuded iconic glory. It was like meeting James Dean or Bob Dylan in real life—getting to go on vacation with one of them even! I subconsciously began to orient myself around Al. He was wild and mean. Too-cool-for-non-fabulous-people mean. I knew about him already. At the Naval Academy, most kids are “smart”. Al was a genius. While even smart kids struggled through organic chemistry, he slept through most of it, smugly answered the teacher’s question whenever he or she was brave enough to attempt to confront him, and while he was not sleeping in class, he wrote poetry or read Camus. He finished the course work at the Naval Academy in three years and got into a special program to finish his Chemistry masters at University of Maryland in 1 year our senior year.

We had two weeks in Israel—enough to see just about the whole thing. It’s not very big you know! We spent the morning at the Dead Sea, and hiked up to the ruins of some old society that lived up there that was pretty important. We traveled around by bus with this vehemently nationalistic Jewish tour guide named Ravi (is that the right word—nationalistic—for a guy who thinks half the people living in his country should not exist?) Ravi ranted any time we were in a Palistinian neighborhood “see their dirty streets! See all their kids! They don’t obey the traffic lights, they don’t mow their lawns.” In Israel, the Jews eat at McDonalds and drink Coke, while Palistinians eat at Pizza Hut and drink Pepsi. They don’t even cross fast food preference lines…

We went to Tel Aviv and visited the Israeli version of the Naval Academy, went to the factory where they make smart bombs (and sell them to the US). We stayed in a Kabbutz, and saw where Mary gave birth to Jesus (supposedly—it has a big old church on top of it now…) We went to the Golan Heights and learned about the Yom Kippur war. We visited the Lebanon border, with triple chain linked fences, and guards with AK-47s. Through everything I oriented myself around Al. It wasn’t a crush though. It was more like Tom Waits was on the bus with me—I had an opportunity to hang out with a star.

When we got to Jerusalem, the first two days we spent traveling the old walls of the city, discussing the layers that were present in David’s time—you know, focusing on the Jewish part of the story. We put our own prayers in the Wailing Wall, and stood in reverence watching the faithful pilgrims lament. I got up early with Al a few mornings and ran through the streets of the old city at dawn. I cannot say I had a more memorable run. The light reflecting on gold domes, no one in the streets despite the fact that the people live on top of each other. Smells of Fresh Bread and earth. It was cool to be with Al. Someone fabulous thinking I am fabulous enough to go on a run with--intoxicating.

The last two days we were in Jerusalem, the Jewish midshipmen did their own thing, and this Franciscan Priest, the Pope's news correspondent in Jerusalem, took us around to all the Christian sights—like the last supper and one of the possible sites for the Garden of Gesthemanie etc. The priest held mass and confession for us. Al spent 2 hrs in there!! I wished I could have been a fly on the wall! The priest was fabulous himself. Him and his Gucci shoes. All he could keep from his other life was his shoes…ha.

Senior year, Al got kicked out because he told a therapist he was seeing that he did cocaine. The therapist let someone know, which broke confidentiality, and Al got out of his commitment to serve (or pay back money) on a technicality. University of Maryland kept him on to finish his Masters and last I had heard he was in Columbia getting a Doctorate Degree in chemistry.

I owe Al thanks for exposure to Thomas Merton, Ben Harper, Camus, and perhaps the idea of existentialism. When I knew he was going to get kicked out, I wrote him my best thesis on love, salvation, Jesus, God, redemption etc. I gave it to him along with my best arsenal of self-help books, Jesus books, and the Grand Inquisitor from Dostoyevsky. (I remember that with chagrin—I was a bit more of a saleswoman back then) I prayed fervently for probably a year that something would take root—because the potential was there for him to do such great or horrible things.

Over the years I have thought about Al a little—not much. Once I saw an old buddy of his at a Naval Academy football game (no I was not watching the game—I was there with Luke—another story). I got Al's number and called him up. We talked briefly. I told him I would be in NYC, and maybe we could meet up. We never did.

Well, last week I got on facebook. He immediately friended me. I thought that was pretty weird, because he is not an initator. Briefly…here is our conversation:

Al: i've been a constant failure and have hurt everyone that ever loved me. currently in boston. no idea where i'll be in a year..

Jaimie: I am sorry. You are a genius who is not very plugged in with the source of all love...thats bound to be destructive. I would like to be in touch if you want to be. I believe you were created for something fabulous--but you won’t ever realize it if you can’t let love in....you get the love that you allow.

Have you ever been really close to someone you weren't sleeping with? I have another friend who says the same thing, but the only people he has ever "let in" he was also sleeping with, and then they broke up usually because he cheated on her or wanted to break up for some other reason, so he carries all this guilt around for breaking the hearts of all the women who've ever loved him. I think he should try and get close to someone he is not sleeping with...like a spiritual director or nun or God or something...someone with better boundaries. Maybe that is not your story....I havent talked to you in a very long time.

Al: no. thats pretty much exactly my story.after i left graduate school i spent a week at new melleray outside dubuque, iowa. attended all of the hours of the liturgy.. read psalms and thomas merton during the day. its funny how much i looked forward to vespers every day. maybe i'll go back this year.. they were very nice to me..i know its been a long time. i'm glad we are talking again though